Trust Me, I'm Lying
by saveusy2jay
Summary: Austin and Alan are in high school when a series of events occur and make their lives feel like a nightmare. I don't own Austin or Alan, obviously. This is my first story, so yeah, enjoy and tell me what you think.
1. Chapter 1

**Austin's POV**

"FUCK Y-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP CARLILE!"

The next thing I knew, my head was smashed against the toilet, harder than anything I've ever felt before. I started blacking out, but before I couldn't hear anything anymore, a little shivery voice said something.

"Hey Austin, I got your stuff, it was lying in the snow."

That was the last thing I remember before completely passing out.

It didn't take too long before I was conscious again… less than 2 minutes, really. I guess my body's gotten used to these beatings.

"Please, stop!" In the same little voice I heard before I had gone out.

I could finally see clearly again, it was Ashby, the small ginger whom no one wanted to talk to.

"Go away Alan." I said.

Owen looked back at me, with a smirk. He didn't expect me to gain consciousness in such a short amount of time.

"Yeah, Alan, leave this for the big kids." He came towards me, lifted my head up with his fingers locked in my hair. "You think you can save him?"

I noticed the blood stains on the toilet as well as Owens shirt. Fucking great. Going home from the first day of tenth grade covered in blood, with broken ribs, and most likely, a bruised up skull.

"Please, just let him go!" Alan shivered.

"I said go away, Alan." He gave me a look; it somewhat pained me. "Just go."

Owens two big guys started walking towards Alan slowly. He threw my books to the ground and ran out of the locker room. A few more punches were thrown; I didn't even bother fighting back because I knew they'd just hit harder and harder each time. Once they were done with me, they finally backed off, just enough for me to see through them. I tried looking at the door, but there was something blocking the outdoor light. Something small… it was Alan again.

"Damn it Alan I told you to leave!" Unbelievable. It's like he's asking them to beat him up, too.

"Would someone like to explain what exactly is going on in here?" Owen and his friends turned right around to the more than familiar voice. They stood in shock as I tried to see past their giant legs. "My office, all four of you, now." It was the principle, right next to Coach Myers, and the Vice Principle, Ms. Lori.

Alan made his way over to me, carefully giving the bigger guys a fearful look as he passed by them.

"It's okay Austin, I'll help you get to the nurse right after this." He tried pulling on my arm, very carefully, as if I were some fragile object that would soon break and shatter to pieces. "We'll get you fixed up in no time."

"Mr. Powers, sir, nothing happened. Really! We were just joking around." Jake tried persuading the principle. Obviously, it was only making the situation worse.

"Yes, because I'm sure you're all just covered in strawberry flavored kool-aid. Do you think I was born yesterday? Office. Now."

I tried ignoring Alan and got up, also trying to ignore the pain and make my way to the office. The sooner we got done from there, the sooner I can get some medical help. My feet were too weak and I collapsed right down to the floor.

"Stop!" Alan suddenly yelled, hoping to get their attention. I was pretty small compared to Owen, Jake, and Chris, but I wasn't as small as Alan. Those guys were just big.

Coach Myers with a disappointed look on his face, "Owen, you did this, go help the boy up and walk him down."

Owen shoved Alan out of the way and picked me right up over his shoulder and marched his way down to the office.

* * *

It's been a long day and now I could finally get back home. The nurse had me on crutches, knowing my feet would fail me once again. She told me to go see a doctor for my ribs. As long as I get to leave this place, I'm fine. The final bell was about to ring when suddenly, the ginger pops right up out of nowhere. "Hey, Austin! I hope you're feeling better! Those guys were really tough. I mean, we're kinda small, so don't get offended. They should've picked on someone their own size."

"Shut up Alan, I'm not in the mood. I've said this countless times today, go away."

A pout formed on his face as he lowered his head and slowly walked away. The final bell finally rang. I let out a sigh, picked up my bag, and started my way home. Hopefully this time, the people on the streets of my neighborhood won't pick on me, as always.

* * *

I got home to find my dad lying on the couch with a half-full beer bottle in his hand, and 3 empty ones on the coffee table. His eyes were red, his beard was growing out, and as of this moment, he was staring right at me. My body was already sore and I had no energy left in me. Judging by how things looked at the moment, I readied my body for what I hoped was going to be the last beating of the day, if not the entire week. My shoulders went up, my eyes shut hard, and my face turned to the right. I stayed in that position for about 30 seconds until I opened one eye again, just to find my dad still staring at me as if I were some mutant that just landed on earth. Not gonna lie, this caught me off guard. He seemed calm, actually.


	2. Chapter 2

**Austin's POV**

"Son?"

"…dad?"

"Jesus Christ what the hell is this?"

"Don't act surprised, dad." It wasn't the first time I got beat up at school. Maybe it's never been this bad, but it still wasn't the first time.

"I almost feel bad for you."

"What?"

"Did you actually think, that for one moment, I was actually concerned about your health? God, what the hell is wrong with you?! You are an embarrassment. How many times is this going to happen? Do you not know how to stand up for yourself? You make me look bad, dammit! You know what? I blame myself for raising you like this." He stopped for a moment, "NO. ACTUALLY… I BLAME HELLEN FOR THIS." Now, in a much louder tone. "WHAT A SPOILED LITTLE BRAT YOU WERE. Your mom couldn't raise you correctly, she couldn't. Everything her little boy ever wanted, he got. Everyone he ever ran into, she had me deal with. Austin Robert Carlile, you are one embarrassing bastard."

"Okay dad, love you too." I started making my way to my room, struggling with the crutches. Then all of a sudden, I hear a bottle breaking, glass was all over the floor, beer all over the wall and couch.

"ZIP IT!" He grabs one of the empty bottles and heads my way.

I wasn't going to take it anymore. None of it. I'd stay put if I was the only one he did this to; but no, he had to be an abusive father AND husband. Mom wasn't anywhere to be seen. I bet she was locked up in their room or something like that.

He was about two feet away when I raise my crutch and whacked his side with it. I bought myself sometime to get passed him and to my room. I quickly locked the door and waited. He started pounding and pounding on it, screaming and hitting, he wouldn't stop.

"I'M SORRY!" I yelled from behind the door. A tear rolled down my cheek as I sat there, regretting what I had done.

"OH YOU WILL BE ONCE I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!" Still pounding and yelling.

I figured I'd stay quiet until he leaves.

* * *

Eventually he went out to his usual poker pals, and I left my room to go see where mom was. I found her sitting in the corner of their room, with a pencil and paper in hand.

"Mom? What are you doing?" She looked up revealing a shocked face.

"My baby! Did your dad do this? Oh I-"

"No, mom, no. It was some kid at school. Forget about it. I'm sorry, by the way, dad tried attacking me and I hit him with my crutch, so he's most likely gonna come back pissed off." I started trembling, "Mom, do you think we could go see a doctor? The nurse wrapped my chest up pretty well, but she said I should still get some checkups done."

* * *

**Alan's POV**

"Now, I'm going to need you all to find a partner to work with." Ms. Katelyn said. "I don't want you getting out of your seats, so look for someone near."

I looked around me trying to act like I wasn't obsessed or anything, but then I turned to my right. There he sat, looking like an angel with broken wings; Austin was looking right at me. I guess he had no other choice, though. There wasn't anyone behind him, or to his right, and Kayla, who sat in front of him, already had a partner.

"I guess it's us, then." He spoke. His voice seemed pretty sad, if you ask me… but could I blame him?

"Are you feeling better?"

"I'm fine."

Play it cool, Alan. Don't be a creep.

"Okay then."

After getting the assignment details, we had to stick our desks together so that we were sitting face to face. Austin was struggling to find a pen somewhere in the pocket of his bag, so I got out of my seat and took it out for him. He let out a sigh as I sat back in my seat.

"I'm sorry… I thought I should have helped instead of just watching you…"

"Its fine, thanks."

"Austin, are you sure you're okay? It doesn't seem like it. I don't want to be a creep, and I'm definitely not trying to pressure you into telling me anything but if there's anything you need to get off your mind I'm always here to listen or help." Oh god, I'm rambling.

"Alan, seriously, it's okay. Thanks, but I'm alright."

Alright never really did mean alright, though.

"Okay, I'm done, how about you?" I set my pencil down and looked at him as he finished writing.

"Just hang on a second." Raising a finger with his pencil under the others.

We finished early and shared our answers, and we had to do this thing, almost like a debate. We had the last few minutes of class to ourselves. We were supposed to continue talking about the lesson, but no one really paid attention to it.

"Austin," Wait… I have nothing to say, why'd I just call him? He looked up at me, there was something in his eyes, it didn't seem right. It felt wrong. It felt wrong looking at him with this look on his face. He continued to look at me until I spoke again. I felt a lump in my throat, a knot in my stomach, great. What now? "I know you're not okay." The blood rising to my cheeks, I turned away.

He picked up his bag and wobbled up on his feet, quickly grabbing his crutches, he walked towards the door and left once the bell rang.


	3. Chapter 3

**Alan's POV**

I've always hated cafeteria food. The long lines, the food that tasted like cardboard, it's pointless, really. I took my usual seat on the floor under the same tree I sat below every day, pulled out my lunch and book, and started reading.

I was about a chapter and a half into the read when I felt this unusual tap on my knee. It took me a while to realize I shouldn't still be reading; I finally looked up at the figure blocking the sunlight, it was him. I'm guessing he used the bottom of his crutch to tap my knee, considering how weird it felt.

"Oh, sorry," I finally started making space for him next to me on the floor. "Here." Of course, being my clumsy self, I trip over my own foot while trying to get up. He just keeps staring at me with this suspicious look on his face. Every move I make, his eyes follow. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable.

Once I helped him down to the floor, he finally stopped staring at me and looked to the ground in front of us. "You were right."

I thought it would be smart to keep quiet and just let him speak.

"I'm not okay." He turned to look at me again, in the eyes, this time. Something in his eyes… pained me. "I really have nothing to say other than, I'm tired. I'm tired of everything and everyone. I'm tired of living this way. For once, I just want to feel normal and accepted, you know?" "He turned away once more, we both sat there staring at the grass for a moment.

"I know what you mean… what really sucks, though, is when you already know people aren't going to accept you, and you put all your faith in one last person, hoping they'd be different." I paused for a moment… Why am I telling him this? Would it be considered rude if he found out I was talking about him? What am I doing? "Nevermind. Sorry about that."

"No, no, I get what you mean. It really does suck. You hope they'd be different, but they're just like everyone else."

"So do you want to talk about it?"

"Like I said, I have nothing to say, other than, I'm just tired."

"Alright then… I'm right here."

**Austin's POV**

Jesus Christ, what the fuck now?

The silence got a bit too awkward, and of all the people in the school, I was sitting next to Alan Ashby right under a tree.

"I guess sometimes you just want someone who could show you they care about you, when everyone else fails." He just nodded, still looking at the ground. "Alan, what is it with you?"

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, I hope this doesn't sound rude or anything, you're pretty awkward." I felt bad for the boy… but I still didn't say anything else.

"I don't really understand what you're asking, but I guess I'll try to answer as good as possible." He paused to think for a moment. "You've obviously noticed how no one really wants me around them. I don't mind it much, anymore. You get used to it. I really don't know what I did for everyone to feel this way when around me." He stopped for a couple of seconds, "Do I smell bad?"

"What?" He actually smelled like cologne and deodorant… the sexy kind. "No, not at all."

"What about my teeth?" He showed them with an awkward looking, wide smile.

"Nope. Nothing wrong with those either."

"How 'bout my nose?" He stretched his upper lip downwards, flaring his nostrils at me.

"Alan."

"Sorry."

"Alan, look, I do appreciate what you're trying to do, but maybe it's just better for you to back off." That sounded kind of rude, hearing it come from my mouth. He looked pretty startled, too. "That sounded harsh. What I'm trying to say is, everyone I've ever gotten close to has gotten hurt because of me. Don't get me wrong, I'm more than thankful for everything you do, but it would be best if you stayed away. Just keep the distance. I don't want anything to happen to you, too."

I tried to get back up on my feet, Alan stood with me, though.

"Where do you think you're going?" He looked at me.

"Excuse me, what?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Austin's POV**

"You don't just tell me all of that, and then just leave, expecting me to not say another word to you ever again." That painful look appeared back on his face.

"Don't you get it? Anyone that has ever even tried to befriend me eventually got harmed because of me, in one way or another."

A little moment of silence and stares was shared between us.

"Austin, I'm willing to try. You're the closest thing I've had to a friend in years." Me? A friend? After treating him like that and pushing him away, he still thinks of me as a friend. I feel bad… like really bad.

"Alan… you don't understand." Well fuck, was that a tear that just rolled down my cheek? I broke down.

"I'm not leaving unless you truly want me to." He wrapped his arms around me and stood on his tippy toes, trying to get my head to lean on his shoulder. We just stood there, Alan on his toes hugging me while I cried there.

We sat back down under the tree after a couple of minutes filled with silence. "I don't know what that was, and why it happened… but I'm sorry Alan. I'm just scared. It's all been so shitty lately; I don't want it to rub off onto you."

"And what if I said I wouldn't mind?"

"Oh but you would."

"Austin, you don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"I'm not leaving you, dammit!"

Damn, he really does care.

"Well fine. If you're up for it, then fine. Don't say I didn't warn you. You clearly haven't seen how bad it gets. Alan, I'm saying this one, last time; leave me on my own or else you're going to get hurt."

"Well you wouldn't care either way, no one does." He said to the side, almost forgetting I could hear him.

"Yes I would! Why the fuck do you think I'm trying to talk you out of this?"

"Because you, and everyone else around me, doesn't want me near. I'm not an idiot, Austin. I can see you don't want me around you, and that's totally fine. Like I said, I'm used to it." He picked up his bag and marched off. I just sat there, slumped down against the tree. What now?

* * *

I got home to find a note on the coffee table in the living room. Dad wasn't home, neither was mom. I picked up the note and began to read. This is mom's handwriting… what's going on?

The note starts off with _"My time has come to an end."_ What. I couldn't continue. Is this a suicide note? I just fell to the floor and broke into tears.

_"To my dearest little boy, Austin, you've made me so proud. I love you more than anything this world has to offer._

_These past few months have gotten really tough and I've grown very sick. Forgive me for not telling you about this earlier. I know how much you've been struggling lately, I didn't want to add on even more pressure."_

I couldn't read anything anymore. My eyes got too watery and everything became a blur.

_"I want you to continue doing what you do best. I promise, someday, you're going to inspire people from all around. I as your own mother look up to you. I admire your strength. Never have I ever imagined myself as a mother of such a strong person. I'm surprised, really, how could I have ever raised someone so special?_

_Austin, by the time you're reading this, I'll be waiting for you, to find me so we could have our final moment together. Heartland Medical Center. Come kiss me goodnight."_


	5. Chapter 5

**Alan's POV**

It's been a full week since Austin's showed up to school. I wonder if he's finally gonna show up today… I hope he's okay. Oh wait, he doesn't want me around him. Maybe he doesn't want me around in public? I've got an idea.

The first two periods went by, now I'm supposed to have him with me in English. I got to class pretty early, so I put my stuff down at my desk and took a quick trip to the bathroom. I found Ryan leaned against the wall taking a drag from his cigarette before he put it out and threw it away. I didn't take much time in the bathroom before I headed back to class. There he was; Austin was finally back. My usual seat was the one right next to his, I sat down and scooted my desk away from his just an extra two inches or so.

* * *

The following afternoon, I decided I'd give him a little visit, considering all the time he had spent at home this past week. He doesn't want me around him in public, so why not talk in private?

I got to his house – which was like 3 streets away from mine – about 10 minutes after he did. I stood at his doorstep thinking of what I'd say to him. I finally rang the doorbell, and felt more nervous than ever before. It wasn't that long before Austin opened the door with a surprised yet annoyed and angry face.

"Hey Aust-"

"What are you doing here?"

"Well I know you don't want me around you in public so I thought we could talk in private? Better let me in before anyone see's us, huh?" He just stood there staring at me. "Are you going to let me in, now?"

"What do you want? Didn't I tell you to stay away from me?"

"I want to know why you've missed so many days of school. I can help you catch up, if you want."

"No. Leave."

Ouch.

"I'm not gonna leave. You can close the door and go back inside, I'm still gonna stay out here until you open it and let me in." He looked even more annoyed, but he still pulled the door open for me to come in. "Thanks."

I followed him up to his room, "So what now?" he asked.

"Well? Where were you?"

"I was just taking a little break, I guess." He shrugged.

"School just started two weeks ago."

"Alan, why are you still following me around?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't. What was I supposed to say? That I liked him? That I wanted to be with him? I just sat there, on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor. After an awkward moment of silence, he went downstairs to quickly bring something back up with him. I decided to take a look around his room, just at whatever pictures or little statues he had lying around.

There was this paper at his desk, it caught my eye. I didn't want to be nosey, but the red editing marks added onto my desire of reading it. The page was titled 'Second & Sebring.' I'm not quite sure what this is, but it seemed really interesting.

He walked through the door and I picked up the paper, "What's this?"

He rambled over and grabbed the paper from my hand, "Nothing, what are you doing?"

"Austin, seriously, what's going on?" He's obviously holding something in. "I don't know what it is, but it looked really deep and it got to me. You really need to open up more."

He walked over to his bed and sat down indie style in the middle. I continued staring at him as he had this blank look on his face, he just sat there, staring at the empty space in front of him. It looked like he was about to say something when his lip began shivering and he started tearing up. Holy shit…

"What is it?" I took a seat right in front of him, the exact same position he was in. I sat there, facing him. "It's okay." I hugged him as tight as possible. This time, he wrapped his arms back around me and leaned his head on my shoulder. I scooted forward so we were even closer, I just held him until he could calm down a little.

It took a while for him to pull away, I don't think I'm ready for whatever it is he has to say. I leaned in and wiped his tears.

"Okay," he took a deep breath and let out a sigh, his shoulders slumped down. "I wrote this, it's a song… I wrote it for my mom." He paused. "The last day you saw me, when I told you to back off… that same day, I got back home to a note on the table. She got really sick, and I was too blind to notice it. The last I saw her was in the hospital, on her deathbed. Then it was off to the church and funeral." I couldn't focus on anything he was going to say after that so I just grabbed him and pulled him into another hug.

This time, we both sat there crying in each others arms. "I'm so sorry." I said over his shoulder, still soaked in tears.

We didn't bother pulling away from each other this time, it hurt so much seeing him like this, I cried even more than I should have. Eventually, we both got so tired, we cried ourselves to sleep in that same position. We were awoken by the door of his room being opened and slammed against the wall.

"Oh, look, the faggot has a friend over."


	6. Chapter 6

**Alan's POV**

"Dad?" Austin looked at the man, with a blank expression on his face. He was hurting and his dad, who had just lost his own wife, was drunk and angry, ready to take his anger out on his son.

"Who's the ginger?" Pointing with a beer bottle in hand.

"He's a friend of mine. What do you want, dad?" His voice obviously showed how exhausted he was.

"Tell me 'bout yourself, boy." This time, he was looking at me.

I started hesitating and choking on my words. My eyes would look at Austin's dad, then the floor, then the wall, then Austin, then back to his dad. "Uh, I, um, I'm Alan." I swallowed, nothing else would come out. I looked back at Austin, "What do I say?" whispering.

Austin just shrugged, "I don't know." He whispered back. "Dad, Alan's my friend from school, he came over to help me catch up with everything I've missed."

"What the fuck was that, then?" His face filled with disgust, again, pointing at us with the tip of his bottle.

"Nothing, it's been a long day."

"Get out of my house." His dad was talking to me again.

"No." Austin interrupted, before I could say anything. I slowly tried sliding off the bed to get pick up my bag and leave, but Austin grabbed my wrist. "I said, no."

An evil smirk appeared on the man's face. He let out a displeasing laugh and took a step closer.

"What'd you say to me, son?"

"You heard me crystal clear, no."

I started whispering to Austin again, "Austin I think I should go, really, before anything happens." I shook my head and pointed towards the door. His grip got tighter and he gave me a stare that spoke the words his mouth couldn't say. _Stay right there._

"Get out of my room." Austin shot his father a look. "Out."

"I'll leave… to escort little Alan out the front door."

"He's not going anywhere." His hand moved up my arm and was now at my elbow, this time, he pulled me closer.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE DAMN IT!" He dropped his bottle and made his way over. His giant fist went up in the air and shot towards my face. I closed my eyes shut and got knocked out.

**Austin's POV**

"What the fuck?"

"You, quiet, before I cut off that tongue of yours."

He came at me and started beating me up. I kicked and pushed, he kept adding more force. At this time, I saw Alan gain just enough strength to sit back up. His jaw dropped, he was speechless. I continued fighting back when suddenly, Alan filled the space between my dad and I.

"ALAN MOVE!" I tried pushing him out of the way.

"No!" Alan shouted back. My dad didn't care who he was beating up, as long as he had someone in his hands.

My dad was finally done, he left the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Do you see, now?" I was looking at Alan, who was softly rubbing his head.

"I see…" He continued to rub, "but I don't care." He stopped.

"What?" Is this kid serious?

"I said I don't care." A little pause. "I mean, I care about you… it's fucked up what he does to you. I don't care if it happens to me, though."

"Alan, this is what I was talking about. You can't stay here without getting hurt. This was only the first time he's ever seen you."

"I said I don't care, Austin. I'm staying here, with you. If you don't want me to, well then tough luck because I'm not moving. Not now, at least."

I let out a sigh. "Forget about that, for now. Show me."

**Alan's POV**

Well shit. "Show you what?"

"Don't play dumb, Alan. I felt them. Show me."

I couldn't. He then grabbed my arm for himself, looked me in the eyes, and pulled up my sleeve. He ran his fingers up and down my arm, feeling each and every single one of them. Then, the most unexpected thing ever just happened.

He lifted my arm up towards his face, and struggled with his broken ribs, and kissed my scars.


	7. Chapter 7

**Alan's POV**

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" He kept staring at me, with a worried look on his face.

I had nothing to say, I just kept staring at the empty space between us on the bed.

"Why, Alan?"

I let out a sigh, "I may be used to the way things go, but that doesn't mean it doesn't get to me."

He pulled my head close to his chest, ignoring the pain it may cause his ribs, "You have me, okay?" He placed a kiss right on the top of my head. "I've lost enough people already. Please stop this, please." He paused, "I know it's not easy, but I promise the more you harm yourself, the worse things are going to get." He said, still holding me close.

I looked up at him, looking down at me, our eyes met. I knew I was going to regret this; I lifted my head off his chest and held his face close to mine and gave him a kiss. Just when I was about to pull away, he cups my face with his hands and kisses me back.

I finally pulled away, "I should go… I'm sorry."

"Don't be… you're not leaving. Not now, at least."

**Austin's POV**

Do I tell him?

I could easily notice the blood rising to his cheeks; I felt my face burning as well.

"I can honestly say I needed that." I said, hoping he doesn't find it creepy.

I put my back against my pillows, and stretched out my legs. Alan laid down right next to me, as close as possible (my bed only fits one person) putting his head down on my lap. I ran my fingers through his hair, and placed an arm on his back.

We sat in silence for a bit, until Alan turned his head to look up at me. His eyes, big and brown, just beaming into mine.

"Is your dad always like this, towards you?" He asked, with an annoyed tone in his voice.

"Yeah… pretty much."

"Have you tried doing anything about it?"

"Well the harder I try, the harder he's going to beat me up. I wouldn't mind, you know? But the thing is, he used to do this to my mom as well." My voice a little lower, this time.

Alan sat there with his head still on my lap, he looked like he wanted to say something, but was unsure.

"What is it?" I ran my fingers through his hair again.

"Do you want to spend the night?"

This made me chuckle… he's adorable. "No, it's alright. I'll be fine."

"I'm not kidding, Austin. He can't do this to you."

"Alan, trust me, I'll be okay." I leaned in and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

He turned his head again, this time, his face dug into my abdominal area. I kept both hands on his back. I tilted my head back and took a deep breath. At this point, I've never been more thankful.

"Alan,"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you doing this, though?"

He looked up at me, again, "Doing what?"

"This. You know, sticking by me, taking the beatings, offering for me to spend the night."

"I'm still up for it, you know… I still think you should spend the night. Isn't it obvious, though?"

"Well I don't want to make any assumptions. I mean, I'm more than thankful for everything you're doing… you don't even know. But why? Why are you willing to put yourself through this?"

"Because I like you."

And there it was. He said it, I didn't. I sat him back up and kissed him real long and hard, this time, I wouldn't pull away.


	8. Chapter 8

**Austin's POV**

"You know, even if you didn't agree to spend the night, I wouldn't have left you there alone." Alan said turning to me, as we walked into his room.

"So you're saying you would've spent the night with me at _my_ house?" A dorky smile appeared on my face?

"Well, no… Maybe. I don't know. I would've begged and pleaded and tried to convince you. I guess." He giggled. "I'd get on my knees if I had to."

"Oh, Alan, I don't need you on your knees." I winked at him as his face turned slightly red.

"Oh, damn it… You know I was hoping we could," We both burst out laughing before he could continue.

"Oh hey, Alan, say thanks to your mom for letting me come over."

"Yeah, no problem."

"And your dad." I smiled.

"He's not here."

"Oh, alright, well thanks anyways."

"He walked out on us years ago."

Oh… Okay. That was unexpected…

"I'm sorry about that."

"Oh it's fine. I got over that. It's just been my mom and I ever since."

"And Mittens!" I added, picking up his cat who was on the bed right next to me.

"And Mittens." He smiled.

**Alan's POV**

Austin came out of the bathroom in his plaid pajama pants and no shirt on, revealing his wrapped up rib cage. God dammit, is he trying to kill me?

"So where am I sleeping?"

"Well, um, I kinda thought you-"

"Okay, okay, then just let me go put a shirt on."

"I mean, hey, do whatever makes you comfortable." I shrugged.

"Would this make you feel uncomfortable?" Ha, fuck no.

"Not at all."

"Alright then." He made his way over to the bed – which was big enough for two – and scooted in towards the middle. "Come on," He patted the surface right next to him.

"Just a minute." I went into the bathroom and came out in my boxers, "I hope this isn't too hot for you."

"Oh hot damn." He played along, letting out a little laugh.

I went over to the closet and pulled out the first t-shirt there, unfolded it without checking which one it was, put it on and made my way over to the edge of the bed.

"Awesome shirt, man." He pointed, I looked down to see what it was that amused him so much.

"Oh, you like Green Day?"

"You serious? They're awesome! I never expected you to be a punk rock fan."

"I'm not sure whether to find that offending or not." He laughed.

"Scoot over, I won't bite." He made a hand gesture motioning for me to come closer.

I raised my eyebrows, "Seriously?"

"Mhm, why not?"

I turned off the lamp and moved over, closer to Austin, so that now our faces were like an inch apart. The only light in the room was the one coming from the light post outside the window.

"I can't thank you enough, Alan."

"It's nothing, seriously."

"No I'm not just talking about this. I mean everything."

"Go to sleep already." I smiled.

"Good night," He kissed the tip of my nose.

I turned around so my back was lightly pressed against his chest. "Sweet dreams, Austin."

He put his arm around my hip and we fell asleep, just like that.

* * *

The next morning we were awoken by my alarm clock, 6:45 AM to be exact. I got up first and went to the bathroom, covering Austin back up before leaving. I came out of the bathroom to find him already dressed and brushing his hair in front of the dresser.

"Oh good, you're out. I need to pee."

"Have fun, bud."

I got dressed and put my bag on my back and swung my guitar over my shoulder. Austin opened the door, still standing in front of the mirror, brushing his teeth.

He looked over to me with the brush still in his mouth, "You play the guitar?" he mumbled?

"Yup."

"Hm!" He tilted his head and shrugged, finishing off from his teeth cleansing. He came out and picked up his bag and we made our way down to the kitchen.

Before we got to the bottom of the stairs, I felt a poke on my shoulder, "Do I call her Mrs. Ashby?" Austin whispered.

I nodded and continued to the kitchen.

"Morning, mom."

**Austin's POV**

"Good morning!" His mom seemed really kind. She set down two plates of eggs and bacon on the counter, and two brown paper bags right next to both of them.

"Good morning, Mrs. Ashby." I smiled and waved at the lady who was slightly shorter than me.

"You must be Austin! Oh, I've heard so much about you." She came towards me with her arms open wide.

"Oh, you have?" I gave her a hug and a big, warming smile. Okay, Austin, be good.

"Oh, yes, so much!" She looked up at me and pinched my cheek. She and Alan didn't look alike, but they were pretty much the same person, the way I see it. "Sit down, I've made breakfast for the two of you. Oh, and don't forget your lunches!"

"Aw thank you Mrs. Ashby."

Alan was staring at us with a weird look on his face. He mostly just looked tired and half asleep.

We were on the way to school when I asked him, "So you've told your mom about me?"

He laughed, "Yeah, but I haven't told her much."

"Pfft, sure doesn't seem like it."


	9. Chapter 9

**Austin's POV**

I walked out of science and made my way to the cafeteria area to find Alan. He wasn't near the usual tree he typically sat under. I looked around to find him near the fence in the parking lot, being pushed around in between a group of 5 bigger guys. It was Owen's guys.

I quickly dropped my bag and ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I reached the group and shoved Mike out of the way and was now in the middle with Alan. I tried shielding him by wrapping my arms around him and walking him out of the circle.

Before we were gone, I turned around to the group, with one of my hands resting on Alan's shoulder, "You know, it's just sad and pathetic that you need to put people down to feel better about yourselves. Not just that, but you're not man enough to face someone your own size. Cowards." and we left.

"So what started that anyways?" I asked.

"I don't know… they just circled around me and started pushing around. They called me a fag, though."

A moment of silence passed before I couldn't help but ask, "Was it because of me?"

He stopped walking and turned to look at me with a slightly shocked, but mostly confused face, "What? No… Why would you think that?"

"I don't know… Forget about it." I took his books from his arms and held them in mine, and we continued walking.

"Hey, do you mind if I stop by the bathroom for a second?"

"No, not at all. Lets go." I motioned towards the bathroom with my elbow.

**Alan's POV**

We got into the bathroom and I put my stuff down on the bench sitting against the wall, and stood in front of the sink. I stood there staring at myself in the mirror, and Austin in the background.

Leaning against the sink, I hear Austin from behind me, "Uh, Alan? You okay?"

I turned around, my hands still holding onto the sink, pressing down, "If they want to call me a faggot, I'll give them a reason to. If they want to talk about me, I'll give them something to talk about."

I grabbed him from the biceps, and he dropped everything he was holding. I pulled him close and kissed him as hard as I possibly could. Eventually it turned into a make out session. We went into one of the empty stalls, in case anyone were to come into the bathroom.

I started kissing his neck while undoing his belt. His hands went up my back, under my shirt.

I looked up at him, "Do you want this?" With my hand on his crotch.

"Just get on your knees, Ashby." He kissed me once again and let me go.

I pulled down his pants to his ankles, then down went his boxers. I wasn't quite sure how to do this, but I went for it anyways. I ran my finger down the vein on his hard length, then came the tongue. I licked it from top to bottom, then popped it into my mouth and went to work.

"Less teeth." He said, his fingers clenched in my hair, with a smirk on his face.

My mouth went open as wide as possible, my hands tightening on his thighs, and I blew him.

Of course, I couldn't please. He pushed it all in, causing me to gag, almost forcing my middle finger to go up to him, with a mind of its own.

"Alan…" He pulled on my hair, "ALAN."

And squirt, there he came.

"Fuck."

I licked him all up, cleaning off the tip, extra carefully.

"Holy fucking shit… Y' turned out to be a sweet one." I could feel his pulse, with his heart nearly pumping out of his chest.

"For what I'm hoping to be your first time, you blow like a whore." He slapped the back of my neck.

"Shut up."


	10. Chapter 10

**Alan's POV**

I was on the way to the band room to pick up my guitar before going home when I run into Austin going in the opposite direction. He had my guitar swung over his shoulder and his bag over the other, holding a textbook and binder under his arm.

"Ready?" He walks by me, turning me in the direction he was walking in.

"Uh yeah, can I have my guitar?"

"Could you do me a favor?" He pushed my hand away and readjusted the bag over his shoulder.

"Does it involve more knees and blowing?"

He giggled, "No… Well, not yet at least."

"Oh, well that's too bad."

"Sorry, Alan. We don't always get what we want in life." Joking around, "Nah, I was wondering if you'd help me with my song? You know, Second & Sebring?"

"Oh, yeah I'd love to!"

"I was looking for someone to play some chords for me. I didn't know you played the guitar at first, but"

"Yeah, yeah. No worries. Are you gonna record it? Like, in a studio?"

"I would but I can't. I just wanted to record it at home."

"Austin?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you want to do? With your life, I mean."

"You mean what I want to be when I grow up?"

"Yeah, like what's your goal? What do you want to be?" I looked at him, still walking.

"Sounds impossible, but I want to be famous. I want to sing in front of big crowds around the world. I've always had this thing where I want to grow up to inspire people. By the end of my life, I want to be able to say that I've helped people in one way or another." He paused for a bit, "I want to inspire people, to the point where, at least once, I would hear people tell me, 'Because of you, I didn't give up.'"

"That's amazing, honestly. You actually know what you want to do with your life."

"But I don't know how I'm going to get there."

"I can help you. I have an uncle with a recording studio, just a couple blocks away from my house."

"You think he'd let us use it?"

"Yeah! He's always let me record in there. Sometimes I just go without asking him, because we usually just find each other there. It's basically my escape place. We can go whenever you want."

We got back home and went up to my room.

"You wanna have lunch then start?" I asked Austin who was now packing up his stuff and throwing his things back into his duffle bag. "What are you doing?"

"I've gotta go back home, probably. It's been a day, I didn't tell my dad I was leaving and I bet he really doesn't care, but I should probably go back. You should come, though."

"What? No, no. At least have lunch first. Come on, my mom already set it up and everything. We'll see what happens after that."

He was struggling with his decision, but then he dropped his shirt on top of his bag and agreed to come downstairs with me.

"You're still coming over though."

"Sure. But we're only going back to get some more of your stuff and we're coming back."

"You make it sound like I'm moving in. I'm going back home, and you're coming with me. Spend the night, if you want. This time, I won't make you stay, just so you don't get beat up again."

We got down to the kitchen and took our seats at the table with my mom, but we didn't change the subject.

"Is it an everyday sort of thing?"

"Pretty much. It used to be like three or four times a week thing. Now it's just on a daily basis. Drunk and abusive. It's like he has no heart."

"I'm sorry," My mom interrupted, "Who is this you're speaking of?"

"My dad." Austin smiled at her. The sweetest smile you could ever imagine. Just smile through the pain, Austin. Smile through the pain.

"Oh goodness, abusive?"

"Yeah, it's alright." He shrugged. "I got used to it." Still, with that sweet smile on his face.

"There's nothing worse than going through all that pain, and at the end of the day, all you say is that you're used to it." My mom looked worried.

"That's why I had him spend the night over here," I added, "I wanted to keep him away from the house for a while."

"Who do you live with, Austin?" She asked.

"It's just me and my dad, right now." He pushed the food around his plate. "My mom just passed, about a week ago."

I could almost feel mom's heart drop. "I'm… so sorry about that,"

"Yeah… It's fine."

"Was it just the three of you, at home?"

"Yeah, just my parents and I. It almost felt like it was just me and her, sometimes. My dad was either out gambling, or home raging and then he'd still leave after."

"You two were very close, then."

"Yeah… She was my biggest inspiration. I was mostly mad at myself, though, for not being able to see that she was getting sick."

"Oh, sweetie, it's not your fault." The conversation was now between mom and Austin.

"I know. It just felt like she was my responsibility, you know? It was like, my job to protect her, I feel."

"There was obviously a lot going on. It was a sickness, too… You couldn't have stopped it anyways." Mom was now talking to Austin as if he were her own son. "She's in a better place now, baby, it's okay."

They finished eating and got up at the same time, Austin went in for a long, tight hug.

"Thank you, Mrs. Ashby. It's been a good 24 hours over here. For the first time in a long time, I felt at home."

"Oh, you're always welcome here, you know that."

"Mom," I came back into the conversation, "I told him to spend another couple nights here,"

"I really can't. My dad doesn't even know I'm here. He probably doesn't care anyways, but still."

"That's actually a great idea!" She looked at me, "The more time you're away from that man, the better. You could stay here for as long as you want, Austin."

We went back up to my room and Austin finished gathering his things.

"So you're coming back here, tonight, right?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Alan's POV**

We were back at Austin's house when he started looking through his closet, pulling out several t-shirts and boxers. There was no one home, or at least it was quiet enough to seem that way. He said he was going to take a while to gather everything. I told him I wouldn't mind, but then he said he was going to take a shower and get ready and finish packing enough for about 3 more days.

So basically what he was asking was for me to go home and he'd follow me back when he was done. I grabbed my guitar and took the lyrics sheets with me, "I'm gonna try getting a head start on the song, try getting a few chords in."

"Yeah alright, I'll try to be there in half an hour or so." He stepped into the bathroom.

I made my way back home, reading the lyrics carefully as I walk down the street.

**Second & Sebring**

I believe it's time for me to be famous

and out of place

I believe it's time for me to move forward

when I break through x4

This time I'll make you proud to see me over

come on daylight

Proud of who you raised

Your shelter, your peacefulness

So this time I'll make you proud

Proud of who you raised up

You know that I will always be here 'til the end

Come back so I can say thank you for this

Home cooked meals and a place to rest my troubled head

when you're away

I've passed the test, I've earned an A

Not just in school, but in life

You will always be right by my side

To help me show hope to all

That are lost and sick in this dying world

I'll use the love you left behind

I'll change their minds x2

I hope, I hope you smile

When you look down on me

I hope you smile

This can't, we won't know

I hope that I make you proud

This is not what it is, only baby scars.

I need your love like a boy needs his mother's side.

(x3)

Yeah

* * *

Still in shock that he actually wrote these lyrics. I mean, they're amazing. If only his mom could see this.

I got back home and started trying out some different notes and chords, attempting different ways of singing and playing the song. It was no use. I need Austin to tell me how he's planning it. I can't work on something this important to him on my own, and basically create it for him.

I laid down on the bed and decided to play with Mittens until he got here.

It's been around 40 minutes now, he still hasn't gotten here.

It's been 45 minutes, no show.

Calm down, Alan, don't be obsessive.

It's been 55 minutes.

I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. A good, long look. I was dumb. I was an idiot. I shouldn't have tried to get that close to him in such a little amount of time. He wouldn't care, no one else would.

Tears rolled down my eyes. I didn't have anyone to hide my pain for, right now. I'm not holding anything in, anymore. He made me feel better, but now my sunshine's gone. I don't need to hide it.

I opened the cabinet and reached for the plastic, translucent white box with 3 different sees blades inside. I opened the box and took out the long, thin one I pulled out of a razor, a while ago.

My sniffling and heavy breathing fill the room.

"No one wants you."

"You're not good enough,"

"Too ugly to live."

"Fat and unwanted."

I repeat all these words to myself.

With an extended arm, I press the blade on my skin, just inches above the veins on my wrist. About to drag the chipped and bent piece of metal across my flesh, when the door slams open.

His black eye and bloody jawline, "Put it down before I rip your fingers off." His voice sounded like someone was choking him. His black eye barely open, showing a thin line of white.

The blade flew out of my hand and almost went down the drain before I set my fingers right on it and stopped it from sliding down the sink. It cut into my fingers, really lightly.

"What the hell happened to you?" I rushed to rinse off my fingers and place the blade down on the flat surface of the sink and go over to him, pulling him out of the bathroom and seating him onto the bed with me.

"He was home, wasn't he?"

"Alan, why was that blade in your fucking hand? Most importantly, why was it on your wrist?"

"Why won't you fucking answer me? What happened?"

"You answer me first!" He started yelling. "I want you to go pick up that blade. Now."

I had no idea where this was going. Maybe he really does want me to hurt myself? He won't care. It's fine.

I came back and sat on the edge of the bed. I stretched out my arm and held out the blade for him.

"No. Take the blade," he pushed my arm back in and extended his out. "I want you to cut me as many times as you would yourself."

"I could never hurt you like that." And then, I understood everything.


	12. Chapter 12

**Alan's POV**

His lips pressed hard against mine. Lifting my shirt up, his hands went up my back. My fingers ran through his hair, clenching it in my fists. His tongue in my mouth. I bite his lip. Holding the back of his neck, still sitting in his lap, he puts his hands on my butt and gets up. His lips still attacking mine, he stands there, holding me. My legs wrap around his waist. I break the kiss, looking at his face. Going towards the black eye he came back with; I gave him a light kiss, to keep the pain away. He went for my neck, now pushing me against a wall. My hand over his crotch, my lips back to his.

"Oh, fuck me." Soft and warm, exhaling right in the middle of the kiss. Back on my feet, he pulls my shirt off. Pushing my back even harder against the cold walls, harder and harder.

He pulled away, staring deep into my eyes, "is that what you want?"

Pushing him off me, leaving enough space for me to spin him around and slam him against the wall, instead, pulling his head back down, going for his lips.

Minutes later, we were interrupted by my moms voice calling us down for dinner. I pushed his shoulders one last time, and pulled away from his soft, addicting lips; unpinning him from the wall. Heading towards the bed, I put my shirt back on and going down the stairs with Austin following. Our faces were flushed, our hair was messed up, but none of that mattered.

"Sexy hair, by the way." I whispered, ruffling his hair while making the way down the staircase.

"Tomato face." He sounded grumpy. I looked in the mirror at the bottom of the stairs and saw why Austin called me that.

"Oops." I shrugged.

Walking into the kitchen, we pull out the chairs and take a seat right across the table from each other. Mom was heading over to the table, as well, when she almost dropped everything she was holding. The blood drained from her face. She quickly set everything down on the table and went over to Austin; cupping his face in her little hands.

"Did he do this to you? Today?"

"Yeah." He smiled.

Facing me, now, she went, "and you wouldn't say anything?"

"We uh, we tried, um, we were talking about it upsta-" she cut me off.

"We are going to see that man, soon. I am going to have a talk with him."

"Oh, you don't have to do that, Mrs. Ashby. I actually advise you not to. We don't want anything to happen to you too, now do we? It's fine. I'm alright, trust me." He smiled, the typical, sweet smile. His cheeks went up, only making his eye look even puffier.

Dinner flew by, full of awkward eye contact between me and him. Of course my mom wouldn't stop complaining about what happened to Austin. It's over, though, and now we were back in my room.

"Finish what you started, Ashby." We sat on the edge of the bed, he took my arm in his hands. "You know what? Fuck the pain away."

"Wait, what?"

"Fuck the pain away. Don't _cut _it out. Fuck it away." I sat there staring at him, with a blank expression on my face. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Stay right here."

**Austin's POV**

Alan left the room and came back with a small, white, plastic tube in his hand. He slowly and quietly pushed the door close behind him. He tossed the lube he brought back with him over to me, "now."

"Me, in you?"

"Do it."

"Bloody hell, how do you do this?" I laughed, the little princess was getting impatient.

I locked the door and lead him over to the bed. Bending him over, I slowly reveal the flesh to the open air. With one of my hands on his skin, I lean in, over his back and go into his ear, "I hope

you haven't had any experience." Lightly nibbling on it before standing back up straight.

"Do you really want this?" Making sure, one last time, fiddling with the tube cap.

His head fell onto the bit of mattress, between his forearms, "Just get in me already."

"Woah there." What a diva.

I opened the tube and squeezed out some of the lube onto my middle and index finger tips, parted his butt cheeks, and started stretching him, as gently as possible.

"Would you hurry up?"

"Stop whining." I stretched a bit more, then took my fingers out. "Well… This is it." I pulled my own pants down, now, and entered my tip into him; making him squeal like a little pig.

"Go on," he said, in obvious pain. I grabbed his hips and pushed in even more, grunting. Alan was in a lot of pain, I could tell.

"Fuck the pain away." I thrusted. In and out, repeatedly, slapping his ass with my balls.

Squeezing his waist, pushing harder and harder each time. Little moans came from the ginger whose head was down on the mattress, his hand pulling on his own hair. Deeper and deeper, "Austin," I heard. His hands scrunching the bed sheets as hard as possible. One last time. "AUSTIN."

Bam. Prostate.

"You little whore." Slapping his right butt cheek, still inside of him.

Slowly pulling out, I feel him pounding. Cum all over his anus. I lean over his back, pushing his hair out of his red, red face. Kissing him softly on the lips, I pull away with a cheesy smile.

"So?" Kissing his nose.

"Ugh." He groaned.

I stood him back up, grabbed his hand, and lead him into the bathroom. Stripping him of the remainder of his clothes, and myself of mine. I pull him into the shower with me.

"Austin?"

"Hmm?"

"On your knees."

The water running over us, I get down, inches away from his length, which was now pointing upwards.

"Yeah boy." The tone in his voice was now the complete opposite of what it usually was. Oh my god, Alan. Shaking my head, I laugh. With one hand on his thigh, I jerk him a little with the other.

I start blowing him, unsure of what I'm doing. The little ginger princess is hard to please. He pushes hard into my mouth, almost choking me. Slapping his butt cheek, I raise a middle finger back up at him. Little fucker. Just for that, I added more teeth.

"Ow! You bitch." He hit the side of my head. I kept sucking and sucking until I heard my name being moaned; he punched the wall so hard, his knuckles turned purple. My mouth full of cum, I pull of with a loud 'pop!' Swallowing, and licking him off one last time, I start kissing his thighs and moving upwards, until I reach his mouth. Holding me, under the shower head, making out to the sound of water splashing onto the ceramic flooring.

* * *

Laying in bed, Alan's back pressed against my chest. I moved my arm from his waist to his hair, and started stroking it.

"You awake, Alan?" Softly, incase he was still asleep.

"Yeah." He replied.

"Weird day today, huh?"

"Don't act like you didn't enjoy it." He turned around, so now he was facing me, although it was still completely dark.

"So basically, next time, we either make out to Nirvana or we don't make out at all."

"Now you have conditions, too?"

"You're not easy to please, yourself."

"Nirvana, huh?"

"Yeah. Kurt was a genius."

"Yeah, he was."


	13. Chapter 13

**Alan's POV**

Mom had the cops backing her up. She was determined, she would have a talk with Mr. Carlile. Deputy cars were lined up around the street. Mom drove past them all and stopped the car right in front of the house. Austin and I exchanged one last, worried look, and got out of the car, each opening a door.

Austin ran around the car, rushing to help mom out of it, "Mrs. Ashby, I'm begging you, please don't do this."

"Son, he can't keep doing this. He won't lay a finger on any of us. It'll be okay." She grabbed her bag, adjusted her coat, and walked down to ring the doorbell.

There was no answer.

One more ring, "I'm coming, damn it!" From behind the door.

The man opened the door. He was wearing a white shirt and grey shorts. His hair was messed up and it looked like he just threw these clothes on, to look a little less disastrous.

"What the hell is going on here? And who the hell are you?" A look of disgust appeared on his face.

"Dad." Austin shot back from behind mom.

"Oh. It's you." He looked to his right, and nodded. Apparently there was someone inside the house, on the other side of the door he leaned on. "The fuck do you want? Weren't you supposed to be over at your faggot friends house?"

"Watch it." Austin spazzed. A rush of emotions rising and nerves acting up.

"Who's the lady?"

"I'm Mrs. Ashby. Alan's mother. Mr. Carlile, I'm not sure if you're exactly aware of what you've been doing lately."

"To hell with you! Of course I know what I'm doing!"

"Dad! You are unbelievable." Austin's face turned red. His voice was extremely high. His fists clenched. You could almost sense the disappointment and shame steam out of him, meters away.

"You," his dad yelled, pointing a finger at him, "you zip your pie hole."

The police were still leaning against their cars, he didn't realize it, since the three of us were blocking his view, standing in front of the door like this.

"Are you going to let us in?" Mom asked.

He looked back at whoever was standing to his right and back at us. "Nope." He shrugged.

"Okay what the fuck." Austin shoved me out of the way and pushed his dad back and took his position at the door. His dad almost came back with his fists to Austin's face until he realized his son was looking at the figure behind the door. "You're kidding me…" His voice dropped. He was speechless. "You've got to be kidding me." The blood drained from his face. "You're fucking kidding me." He grabbed a vase that must have been on a stand next to him and smashed it onto his dad's - hard as rock - head. It was as if the vase had no effect on him. It only served to build on his anger. This time, he didn't hit back. "You soulless bastard!" Austin was screaming, his eyes full of tears. "I can't believe you!" He broke down. He fell to the ground, on his knees, with his head in his hands, curling up on the floor, crying.

Mom signaled to the police at the back, shocked. They made their way over to where we were standing, then followed mom and I into the house. I sat close to Austin, holding him, staring up at his dad. Finally looking to see who the figure was; there was a woman, mid-twenties, standing there holding a bed sheet to her chest, covering her nudity. She was annoyed, shocked, and speechless all at the same time. She probably wasn't expecting any of this to happen. I looked back at Austin who was still bursting in tears, I held him. I held him and held him.

"Oh, dear." My mom was just as astonished as everyone else. Both her bag and jaw dropped, she froze. The deputies closed and locked the door, hand cuffing Mr. Carlile.

* * *

After the woman was dressed and Austin got back up, we all sat down on the couches in the living room in silence.

"Now, explain. Everything. Who are you and what relation do you have to these people?" The police broke the silence, asking Austin's dad all these questions. He explained that Austin was his son and that I was his friend who he was spending a few nights with. He didn't do it very nicely, though.

"And who is this?" The man with the badge pointed at the young, bronze toned brunette.

Silence.

"Who is she?" In a louder tone.

Still no answer.

"Officer, may I just add," I couldn't hold it in, no one was giving these details. They were the most important. Every face in the room was now staring at me, with a confused look. "Austin's mom, Mr. Carlile's wife, had just passed a little over a week ago. It's almost as if nothing has ever happened. Austin's still getting beat up, and now his dad's sleeping with another, younger woman." Everyone froze. The officers mostly couldn't believe what I was saying. Austin's dad and his little friend were startled at the fact that the little ginger boy had spoken the words of the ugly truth. My mom and Austin, though, they were just stunned. I took a stand. I did something right. I said what no one else could have. They seemed a little over whelmed.

"How about you mind your own business, shirt-lifter?" His dad spat back.

"How about you take it like a man? You did this. Fix your shit." Austin was yelling. Nearly breaking.

We spent about half an hour to 45 minutes sitting there talking (arguing really) with his dad and the police. It was then that the decision was made that Austin would stay with us, for a while. His dad had his own charges to pay.

We were making our way back to my house when Austin started crying again, in the car.

"Oh baby, no." My mom stole the words straight from my mouth.


	14. Chapter 14

**Austin's POV**

Sitting in math class, bothered by everything and everyone. Life sucks right now. All I want to do is get away from all of this. Maybe I'd go into a coma for a while, so I wouldn't have to deal with all the things going on right now… and to see who would care. Well, no one would give two fucks, but I still want to leave. I'm a mess right now. I couldn't focus on anything, all these thoughts have been running through my head lately, I can't deal with it.

Mr. Noviak called on me to answer the question on the board, and of course, I just sat there quietly, blankly staring at the equation. I hear the girls giggled at the back of the class, I see people whispering to each other over there in the corner, I feel people's eyes beaming right at me. I got up and walked out of class, with Mr. Noviak calling my name. I just kept walking.

I went into the bathroom and slid down against the wall, I sat in silence.

Eventually someone walked in and stopped at the sight of me sitting there, looking like I've overdosed on some sort of pills. I could feel the beaming eyes, again. I didn't bother opening my eyes. I kept my head against the wall and my earphones were in. Dry tear marks were on my cheeks, but I ignored those as well. Who ever it was, they kept staring at me. After about a minute, I feel them make their way over to the wall next to me and sit there as well. My eyes still shut; I sense an odor. Finally peeking out of one eye, Ryan had his hat sticking out from under his hood, sitting in the same position as I was, smoking a cigarette. You could barley see the features on his face, due to the dim lighting and his hat and hood.

Taking a drag. Inhale, exhale.

"Hey" he raised his head and looked at me.

I took out an earphone, "Hey."

He pulled out his cigarette box and held it towards me. Boy, I could use one right about now.

"No thanks." He started waving it around, still held out towards me. I took one. He pulled out his lighter as I stuck it between my lips and tilted my head down towards the flame.

Teachers never cared about the smoke coming out of the bathroom, or the smell that filled the halls. They knew people smoked in the bathroom, they never did anything about it.

"First smoke?" Ryan asked.

I nodded. "Probably the last."

"Don't like it?"

"It's not that." People smoke for fun. I smoke for death.

"You okay, man?" Ryan wasn't feeling it either; his voice was emotionless.

"I like to believe I am." Releasing the smoke I had trapped in my lungs.

"Don't keep it in that long." Pointing with his stick. "Gonna get yourself killed on your first try."

"That's the point." In the lowest voice possible. He obviously heard me, though.

A moment of silence was shared, as we filled the bathroom with smoke from the tobacco.

We put out the rolls, Ryan headed back to class, I splashed my face with some water and followed him out.

* * *

Alan and I walked home, like we do everyday. This time, he knew there was something wrong.

"I'm not going to ask what's wrong, because obviously everything is. But talk to me. Tell me about it. I wanna be there for you."

"It's nothing. Well, it's everything. But what do you expect me to say?"

"I'm not expecting you to say anything, but if you need to talk… you know."

"I know." We continued walking until Alan stopped and turned to a little space between two buildings we always walk past. "Come here," he motioned. "Just so no one else sees." He gave me a quick kiss, setting his thumb and index finger under my chin. "You smoke?"

"No."

"Austin." He tilted his head and gave me a look. "I'm fine with it I'm just wondering."

"It was my first one. Ryan offered in the bathroom. Guess I was having a really shitty day." I shrugged.

"You obviously still are." He adjusted his guitar bag on his shoulder and tightened his grip on his binder.

"Well, yeah."

He pulled my head down and kissed my forehead, "come on."

We finally got back to his house and had lunch with his mom, as usual. After pushing food around my plate, I got up. I had no appetite. Alan was done too, so we thanked his mom and went upstairs.

I was about to pull out my lyrics papers for us to try and get some work done when Alan goes into the bathroom and comes back out holding the tube of lube between two fingers, making it do a little dance.

"Here." He made his way over to the bed.

As much as I wanted it, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh come on, you said it yourself. Fuck the pain away."

"Alan, I really don't think this is a good idea."

"What could possibly go wrong?"

I sighed and gave in. He bent me over after pulling both our pants down a little and squeezed out a bit of lube. This was where I tensed up and was scared of his reaction. He closed the bottle and readied his fingers before he would focus on my entrance. Right before he would put his fingers anywhere, a little gasp came from behind me. Fuck.

"Austin…"

"Alan I can explain."

"Austin why are you already stretched?" His voice was now louder, he was talking faster; a mixture of worry and confusion.

"Alan," I stood up straight and pulled my pants up. Heading over to the bed side table, I pull out two tissues and wipe the lube off his fingers. "Sit down." We both sat on the edge of the bed.

"I thought you've never done this before, Austin."

"Alan, listen to me."

"How many dicks have you had in you before?" He seemed hurt. Very, very hurt. "I thought this was-"

"Alan, listen. It's not what you think."

"What is it then?" He yelled, tears were forming in his eyes. He started shaking and his face turned red.

I held his hand in both of mine, and brought it up to my lips and kissing his ghostly white knuckles. This hurt me more than it hurt him. I don't like seeing him like this.

"Alan," My grip on his hand tightened, then I left go. I put my hand on his thigh. His eyes looked into mine, his face showed he was furious and scared at the same time.

"Alan I was raped."


	15. Chapter 15

**Alan's POV**

My jaw dropped and I was speechless. I felt like a monster. To think I even doubted him for one minute. I couldn't say anything. What was I supposed to say anyways? That I thought he did it with Ryan? I could never tell him what I actually thought. It was the ugly truth. Austin's been raped and I was there, being my selfish self, wanting him all to myself. Every part of him.

"I'm so sorry…" All I could think of was how much of a jackass I was.

"It's not your fault." His shoulders slumped down. "It happened a while ago, it's fine."

"No it's not fine."

"The thing is, I find this hilarious." He smiled, shaking his head. "It's funny. Rape is funny."

"Austin, what are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know, because I was totally asking for it to happen to me. Because, I'm just a reckless teen who wanted to have sex so badly." Laughing, in severe pain. "Because when it happens to women it's just wrong," Yelling now, "but when it happens to men" the shouting broke off and he buried his face into his hands, I held him close to me. "You know how as a guy, you have to hide your pain.. to be able to fit in?" I didn't say anything. "Well, humor's an easy way to hide pain." He continued crying. "That's why I find it hilarious." He now had his face buried into my chest. "Because I have to."

* * *

It took us a while to clear things up and calm him down, now he's trying to convince me that he's okay. Obviously, he's not.

"You know what?" I got up walking towards my stereo; Austin looked at me blankly, still sitting on the edge of the bed.

I pulled out a CD from off the shelf and turned up the volume. "Just as you asked." I made my way back to the bed and sat in Austin's lap, wrapping my arms around his neck as my lips close in on his, with _About a Girl _playing in the background.

His lips still on mine, he smiled, "babe" right into the kiss.


	16. Chapter 16

**Alan's POV**

Monday morning. I pound my fist on the top of the alarm clock and turn around to find Austin still curled up, sleeping like an angel. I stroke his cheek softly, "Rise and shine, sweetheart." I gave him a quick kiss and got up, making my way to the bathroom. He stretched and groaned right as I closed the bathroom door.

Coming out I see him standing in his boxers, with the end of his t-shirt going up and down around the waist band of his underwear. He looked so confused. He ran his fingers through his bed hair. Honestly, the hair turned me on.

"You alright there?" I walk over to him, with my hand sliding down the side of his head, pushing his hair down, stopping at the side of his neck. "You look good." I smiled, "Come on, get dressed." I opened up my closet and unfolded my _System of a Down_ shirt, throwing it onto the bed until I could find the right pants.

"What day is it?" His raspy voice broke the silence.

"Monday, come on." He was obviously in a full-on separate world of his own. I felt bad for waking him up.

He finally went to the bathroom and I started changing. At one point I randomly hear his morning voice singing - really badly, might I add - a Frank Sinatra song. I knocked the door, "What is going on in there?" He didn't even bother stopping. "Am I missing something?"

He opened the door with one hand, his other arm up in the air as his head tilted back to support his performance of the final line of the song. "I'm good now." He smiled, turning back to the mirror and brushing his teeth.

"Oh… Okay then." I turn away to hide the confusion on my face. As long as he was happy. I put my bag on my left shoulder, and my guitar on my right, as usual. Finally I grabbed my phone and iPod and started shuffling through the music, while leaning against the door.

Austin finally got dressed and came towards the door with a big cheeky smile, waiting for me to open the door. He stood there awkwardly smiling at me, eventually adding a shrug to signal that I should open the door.

"So I don't get a kiss?" I take out an earphone, waiting for him.

"Oh, of course you do." He gave me a quick peck on the lips, then pulled my head down and kissed the top of it.

Once I finally decided to open the door he put his hand on my shoulder, I look back, not changing my posture or the direction my body was facing. "There's something I need to tell you. But on the way, not now."

"Alright." I nodded, still a little lost.

We left after breakfast, sticking to the almost daily routine. Walking to school, he finally started talking. "So um, I'm not sure how to say this. Well, I do but I mean, I never really imagined it as something I'd be saying to another guy, you know?" He looked at me, I continued walking. "I uh, do I? Like, wait. What? Alan, I don't know what I'm doing. This is hard. Um, okay, here it goes."

My laughing cut him off. He looked at me with a straight face. "What? What's so funny?" This was too cute.

"I love you." I smiled at him.

He stopped. He froze, actually. A little pause. He looked a little worried but saddened at the same time. "Now that's just not fair."

"What?" My voice still had a bit of laughter mixed in.

"I was supposed to be the one who said it first."

"Too late."

"Alan!" He whined. "Not fair!"

I'm just so confused but this was all too adorable. "I said it once I'll say it again. I-"

This time he cut me off. "I love you, Alan." Completely ignoring the fact that I already said that to him.

I couldn't help but smile, really dorkily. "I love you too, Austin."


	17. Chapter 17 - Final Chapter

The day went by quickly as Austin and Alan attended their classes, met at lunch, and attended classes again. It was a pretty good day at school, considering they were assigned a new group project in which they chose to partner up in. It was the end of the day when Austin was walking over to the band room to pick up Alan's guitar for him, when he ran into Ryan again. He thought he'd give a smile and nod and pass by, but instead Ryan stopped right in front of him.

"Hey," he put his hands in has pockets as he tensed up.

"Hey, Ryan, how's it going?" Austin replied.

"It's alright."

"Yeah." Austin gave a soft smile and tried walking around him and continuing to the band room, but Ryan then put his hand on Austin's shoulder and stopped him.

"Hey man, you wanna hang sometime?"

"Um," Austin ran his hand down the side of his head, "I would, but I'm not sure if I can."

"Why not? Is your mom still keeping you under her supervision?" He teased.

_I wish she was, _thought Austin.

He sighed then shrugged, "It's complicated."

"Oh, so she is?" He laughed.

"She's not here." He replied, clearly bothered. "My mom passed, would you stop making remarks now?"

"Oh," Ryan's smile disappeared quickly, "I'm so sorry dude, I didn't know."

"It's fine." He almost continued walking, but Ryan continued again.

"So it's a no?"

"I'm telling you I'm not sure. I'll see, though."

"What's so complicated about it?"

"It's a long story."

"I've got time."

Austin was getting irritated.

"Skipping through details and pretty much the entire story, I'm living with Alan for a while, not sure how things are going to work out. Wherever I go, he goes."

"Ashby?" Ryan asked with a look of confusion and disgust.

Austin tilted his head and furrowed his eye brows, annoyed with the reaction he got. "Yes, Ashby. Anything wrong with that?"

"The little slut with the reputation, you mean?"

"Get out of my face." Austin pushed Ryan aside and started speed walking.

Ryan chased after him and pulled his hand, spinning him back around. "Why? You two a thing now too or-"

"Shut up, Ryan."

The area was completely empty, but there was one person that suddenly appeared from behind Austin.

"Oh look," Ryan pointed, "It's your little boyfriend."

Alan looked up from the ground, startled. He slowed down and took the time to realize it was Austin and Ryan, then started walking again.

"How about if I did this?" Ryan laughed at Alan and pulled Austin by the shoulders and smacked his lips against his own.

Austin pushed him off, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Oh look, you're both mad. I guess I got my answer. You two really are a thing." He flashed an evil grin.

"No, we're not." Alan shot back.

"Oh shut up, slut."

Austin stood in front of Ryan, with a face that clearly said 'I'm fed up with your bullshit.'

"What's the matter, Carlile? Did I hurt your boyfriends feelings?" Ryan's jackass side was finally revealed.

"I'm not his boyfriend." Alan said from behind Austin, re-adjusting the guitar - that he already picked up without Austin knowing - on his shoulder.

Austin shoved Ryan to the floor. "Maybe you should get some help."

Ryan leaned back on the floor, resting on his forearms, laughing hysterically. Austin walked by and Alan followed, but stopped and turned around for a moment and stared at Ryan's outburst.

"The fuck are you laughing at?" Alan demanded.

"Oh, you know," Ryan calmed down after all the forced laughter, "Just Owen's reaction after I tell him about you two." The evil grin appeared again.

"Wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you." Alan threatened.

"Nah, I think I like it like this." Ryan still leaning back on the floor, staring at both Alan and Austin.

Austin turned around to Alan and put a hand on his back, "Pathetic." He commented on Ryan, pushing Alan forward.

* * *

The two boys started making their way around the block, instead of heading home, they were on the way to the recording studio.

Austin couldn't help but think about the way Alan kept denying that he was his boyfriend. Obviously, they never said they were, or that it was official, but would he ever want to be? Would he always deny it? Would he even agree to it? And what was Ryan talking about? The reputation? He was the first to stretch Alan. There's no way Ryan was actually telling the truth. All dirty little mind games.

Speaking of, why did Ryan want to hang out, anyways? What were he and Owen planning on doing to him? So many thoughts ran through Austin's head. The most important thing he would focus on, though, was Alan's denial of their relationship. He knew he shouldn't let it bother him, for so many reasons, but it did. He knew they never made anything official, he knew Alan was trying to defend them both in front of Ryan, he knew that even if they were official, they wouldn't announce it… not that early, at least. It still bothered him, though.

"So, you ready?" The ginger spoke, breaking the silence between them.

"I think so. We've practiced it so many times, we should be." Austin replied.

"Nervous at all?"

"Honestly? Very. I hope she likes it."

They walked through a few more minutes of silence.

"Austin?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think Ryan's actually going to tell Owen?"

"Oh, I don't know. Even if he does, don't worry about him." Austin stretched his arm out over Alan's shoulder and pulled him closer so that they walked with their sides touching.

* * *

Alan wasn't new to the studio and he knew how to work everything by himself, meaning he and Austin had the entire place to themselves for about an hour and a half.

As they were getting ready and setting everything up, Alan noticed one of the wires was disconnected. He bent over and reached for the wire to try and plug it back in when he suddenly felt Austin grab his hips.

"Woah." He smiled, continuing to re-adjust the cords. Then out of no where Austin started grinding from behind him. "Oh." He stood back up straight with his back against Austin's chest. Austin curled his arms around Alan's waist and still standing against his back, started kissing his neck, working his way around to his lips.

Finally stepping around him, not breaking the kiss, Austin and Alan stood chest to chest, with their arms wrapped around each other.

"Don't let me go." Alan breathed into the kiss before jumping into Austin's arms only to be pushed against a wall for a make out session.

When Austin finally pulls away and unpins Alan from the wall, causing him to slide down it and stand back on his feet, Alan resumes in setting everything up and starts the recording.

He waits for Austin to finish with the vocals so he could do the guitar parts, but they stopped recording the singing less than halfway through because Austin got emotional and his voice started breaking and he wouldn't continue. Alan got up from behind he mixing console and went into the recording room and hugged Austin from behind.

"What's wrong, babe?" Alan bent down to rest his chin Austin's shoulder.

Austin sat there for a moment before answering, "I don't know, what if she doesn't like it?"

"Aw, I'm sure she's going to love it." Alan spoke from over Austin's shoulder, still with his arms wrapped around him. "She's going to be so proud of you. I know she will." Austin wiped a tear and slumped down on the stool he sat on. "Do you want to take a little break?"

"Sure," he sniffled.

"Come on, wipe those tears," Alan got on one knee in front of Austin and wiped his cheeks with his palms.

"Alright," running a finger under his nose, "I'm alright. I'm good." Austin closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Alan saw the lyrics sheet sitting on the music stand in front of Austin and knocked the entire stand down, making it look like an accident. "Op, sorry."

"It's alright," Austin got off the chair to stand it back up. Alan took his chance and grabbed Austin's waist and pulled him towards his crotch area. "Alan," Austin wasn't sure whether he was in the mood for this or not.

"Come on," Alan smiled and kissed Austin from behind.

"Alan, we're not alone in here." Austin turned a light shade of red.

"But aren't we?" Alan's hands ran up Austin's side, onto his chest, and back down to his crotch.

Austin turned around, putting his hands on Alan's shoulders, "I love you." His lips closed in on Alan's, for a long, yet hard kiss.

Speaking of hard, Austin was soon bent over a table with Alan inside of him. With Alan thrusting into him, Austin bit his fingers that were balled up into a fist, trying to keep quiet. It worked pretty well, up until he reached prostate. His moan had a bit of "Alaaaan" in it.

Alan finished him off and zipped his pants back up. Austin slowly straightened his posture, pulling his pants back up.

"You do that again, I swear." Austin was joking, but he was still annoyed due to the pain caused from Alan's fucking.

"Don't act like you didn't like it," Alan pushed on Austin's cheek with his curled index finger.

"Whatever." Austin rolled his eyes, sitting back onto the stool in front of the mic, as if nothing had ever happened. "Okay, I'm good now," he pointed at the window; his finger escorting Alan out of the room.

Austin got through the recording with a few voice cracks here and there, yet he didn't bother doing anything about them. _If music doesn't make you feel anything, it's not music,_ he thought.

Alan recorded his guitar playing and they soon finished putting the entire song together. They still had about 8 minutes left in the studio, all alone. They gathered up all their belongings and sealed it all with a long, soft kiss. They left the building right after.

"You wanna go to a cafe or something before heading home?" Alan offered.

"Actually, do you mind if we went to the cemetery?" Austin looked over at Alan who was struggling to fix his beanie and keep his guitar from falling at the same time. Austin stopped and adjusted it for him, then continued.

"No, not at all," Alan gestured with his hand. "I just don't know the way from here."

"I do." Austin then lead the way down to the ground of the graves.

* * *

They made they're way through the gates and Austin went straight through the graves looking for the bit of land his mom was lowered into. Alan stayed a few graves away, looking around. He didn't have anyone to visit so he stood there for a while.

"Hi, mom." Austin sat down next to the grave, placing his right hand on top. "Sorry I didn't get you any flowers. I just finished recording a song for you, I hope you like it." He paused. "Things have been tough, but I'm getting through. Oh, did I tell you?"

Alan started making his way over, silently, not intending on eavesdropping.

"I met someone, mom, I finally met someone. He makes me unbelievably happy. I think I love him, mama… I'd really love for you to meet him. I don't think there's ever been anyone so amazing." He stopped and looking down at his hands for a bit. "His name's Alan; Alan Ashby. He helped me record the song, he played the guitar and everything. I'm gonna go call him so we could play it for you."

Austin got up, dusting off the bottom of his pants, turning to his left only to find no one there. He turned around so he was looking the opposite direction and he still wouldn't find Alan. He then felt a sudden movement and turned to find Alan wiping a tear, standing right behind where he was sitting.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

Austin cut him off by pulling him in for a long, tight hug. Alan's arms curled up so his hands were holding Austin's shoulders where he had his forehead placed, as tears streamed down his face.

"I really do love you, Alan. I really do." Austin squeezed him even tighter. They stood in that position for a little less than a minute, hugging in front of Austin's mom's grave.

"Can I talk to her?" Alan pulled away, wiping all the tears from his red, red face.

"I want her to meet you anyways. In private?"

"No, no. I want you with me." Alan took him by the hand and pulled him down with him, onto the floor.

"Hi, Mrs. Carlile." He nervously smiled at Austin, squeezing his hand harder. "I'm Alan. I just wanted to tell you how lucky you are to have Austin. Your son saved my life. He helped me feel again… He's my anesthetic. I've never had anyone care so much about me, even with all these things going on in their own life." He pulled his beanie back a little with his free hand. "I don't even have words." He laughed. "He's just everything that falls under amazing." He paused to search for the words he failed to find and decided to end his speech with, "I love him."

Austin let go of his hand and wrapped his arms around the ginger, giving him a quick kiss on the top of his head.

"Can we show her the song?" He smiled at Alan who was dragging his guitar bag over towards them, from behind.

"Of course." Alan started strumming the guitar as Austin began to sing. He broke down half way through, yet he continued singing in the best voice he could possibly generate.

When the song was over Austin put his hand on the grave for one last time and said, "I hope I make you proud."

They both got up at the same time, but before either one of them would start walking, Alan reached for Austin's arm, sliding his hand down to Austin's, holding it out in front of him.

"What is it, Alan?"

"Because of you…" Countless flashback came running through his head from that day. He nervously looked Austin in the eye, then down at the grave, then back into his eyes. He squeezed his hand, "Because of you, I didn't give up."


End file.
